Real Authentic

Sounds like a cliché, but I had stopped expecting real authentic moments with others for a while now. After all, I was honest and had integrity, but I kept running up against others who weren’t, – prejudging and quickly discarding those that didn’t fit my test for “real & authentic”, I didn’t have time for phony moments or other’s agendas anymore…

Tired and disillusioned with the inauthenticity all around, I grew cynical, judgemental and guarded with those in my path.

chain-fence

One day I received a call from my little sister (21 years younger than me), and now in her thirties.  It was surprising because we had rarely ever talked. She was calling to tell me that she was very sorry that she had not been a good sister to me all these years, and that she had not made an effort to change that and was really hoping that we could mend any problems and start a new good relationship together…

I was blown away! For years, I had felt guilty for not having a better relationship with my sister (I rationalized – that since I was already out of the house, 21 years older and in a different city when she was born and growing up, that a real relationship was not in the cards for us).

I assured her that she was a great sister and I never felt that we had any problems, in fact I thought it was me that needed to apologize and be a better brother to her, after all, I was supposed to be the big brother that was there and looking out for her – but hadn’t been…

paddle-board-hat-gabriela

All these years of guilt, hurt, misunderstandings and stories about each other, was time wasted; opportunities for real authentic moments missed – until now…

Reflecting on my sister’s courage to call me that day, and honestly share her thoughts and take responsibility for her part in our relationship, it opened up a space, a clearing for a real moment between us. It allowed me to ponder my role in this. I appreciated her courage in being open and honest about her thoughts, the impact on me and her desire to start a new relationship, it left me touched and open to sharing my true thoughts with her.

sunset-water-grass

Since that conversation, I have completely changed my thinking of her and am working on transforming our relationship.

Her action left me touched, inspired and wanting to be better. But more importantly, my little sister taught me that if I wanted to have real connections – I must have the courage to set aside my judgements, share and think about the impact I or my sharing will have on that person. Then if we are lucky, we can have opportunities for whatever is possible…

Maybe my “honesty and integrity” was just another story, hiding and preventing real connections from occurring for me, exactly what i was disillusioned about… My judgements and cynical views were shutting down my possibilities for genuine communication – that was why my sister’s call to me, had made such an impact.

This was a new beginning of self examination, allowing me to take responsibility for transforming my moments and creating real authenticity in my world.

My sister later told me what had brought her, to this event, in her personal development…